Why intellectualizing emotions does not solve them

"Learning to be aware of feelings,
how they arise and how to use them creatively so they guide us to happiness,
is an essential lifetime skill."
Joan Borysenko

One thing that most of us are very good at is intellectualising our emotions.  The problem that we face is that we live in a society that insidiously reinforces this through the way we speak to each other every day.  We’re all familiar with the countless ways in which we are advised to ‘think about it’ a little bit more. 

While engaging our brains can be very useful and helpful in making our way through this journey of life, the constant analysis and rationalisations can lead to us pushing our emotions away to the point where we don’t even experience them.

There are two reasons why we intellectualise away our emotions:

1. First, because of our misunderstanding as to their nature and importance and their impact on our health. 
2. Second, is because that often emotions are uncomfortable so we resist them with our thinking in the hope that they will go away.  Ironically, it is this resistance that locks them in place pushing harder and harder against our resistance. 

Like all energy, our emotions need to flow.  There is a cycle that needs completion.  The first stage is allowing ourselves to experience our emotions, feeling them as pure energy, without judging them or ourselves for having them.  By experiencing them rather than resisting they are already beginning to flow and the discomfort that may be experienced with negative emotions will be transient.  However, if we persist in resisting then not only will the discomfort increase but symptoms of some kind will ensue.

The best way to begin to feel emotions more is to allow yourself to be more present in every moment.  Every time you catch your attention as you are going about your day place it inside your body and allow yourself to feel what is going on, what are the sensations, where can you feel them and how do they move.  At the same time you can be aware of what is going on outside you with your eyes and ears.

Exercise

Another way of becoming more conscious of what different emotions feel like is to pick four different and distinct emotions, for example, anger, frustration, excitement and contentment.  Then think of a time when you were experiencing these emotions. Become fully absorbed in the memory and allow yourself to be conscious of the sensations, where they are located in your body, their size and how they move.

Of course the final part is to deal with these emotions in an honest and constructive manner.  And that is the topic of another newsletter….

 

Related topics and articles:

3 Steps to effective communication

The art of communication

 

 “When emotions are managed by the heart,
they heighten your awareness of the world around you and add sparkle to life.
The result is new intelligence and a new view of life.”
Doc Childre and Howard Martin